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Fuck you Psychology  
02:15am 01/08/2011
lettuce lover
You know what I hate?  Being able to read people to freaking well.
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08:35pm 01/05/2011
lettuce lover
You know I haven't been here in a while, I've kept up on everything everyone has said, but I haven't said anything and in a way that bothers me, but in other ways I'm just not one of those people that wants to share life with everyone.  Anyway I have just been really in an outplace in my life.  Working on fixing things but things aren't quite fixed so its at a standstill.  This is just letting people know, I AM still alive.
mood: indifferentindifferent
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Life's not fair is it?  
09:40am 17/11/2010
lettuce lover
Its a simple answer of no.  No one ever said it would be, in fact throughout my life I have found that its far more indecent and cruel than anyone ever really cares to state.  It would be fine were it just me to say this, I'm a content complainer of the natural state of things and I observe life with a heavy hand, but this does not stop me from feeling heart wretched seeing its crushing, full steam ahead, without a moments rest for my one and only.  Life is easy to ignore when you are in my position.  Bury yourself in novels and work until you sleep.  Repeat the process, but when life as taken most of even those things from you what more can you ask for other than something to look forward to?

Oh Mik.  There are so many things I want to say to you.  So many reassurances and reminders that even through the darkest of night I will be there to see you through it but its come to the point where I fear that life's caught up with us, leaving us with only those few but precious small hours together where life can be ignored.  Today left me more distraught than many days have.  And I don't understand why other than the fact that I can't there with you while you make a decision that could possibly change more than subtle things in your life.  I wanted to be the one that was there for you, comfort you, but knowing you over all these years, you would rather my presence be a mental one while you deal with the already pressures set before you.  All I can do is work and hope that when you come home that life will have done you a justice that you most certain deserve. 

I worry for your safety and your state of being more than my own.  I don't even think you realize how important these years have been to me.  I might not be with you right now, but my thoughts never stray from your side.  I wish I could provide more, be there at your side every day.  Be there morning and night, a place of our own perhaps not, but a place for me and you to live together.  I don't much care anymore if its just us anymore, but days like this remind me what a very short hold I have.  The moments we spend together are more important to me than those that we spend apart, but I wish there was a way for those to be more.  A way for us to finally deal with things the way we've said.  Its hard being away from you, to not know what decisions have been made without my even knowing what decisions there were when we are going on six years together. 

I suppose that's life though, the unfair callous bitch that she is.  I work until there is no more work to be had, which sadly is coming much sooner than I'd realized and another swift reminder that any headway in my life is something that will be ripped from under me.  And you will wait for an answer, a method, a something to let you be the person you want to be more than the person you are now.  The funny thing is I love you despite this grasp that life holds on us and I will never stop.  I have no conditions to the way I feel about you, I just hope that this means someday soon that we can overcome 'life's a bitch mode' and move on.  Please be safe today Mik.  I'll talk to you later tonight and I pray that Loyola did their job.
location: work
mood: distresseddistressed
music: baby world animals
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Being me...  
08:07am 16/09/2010
lettuce lover
You know there must be something easier than being me.  I wish I could find it honestly because I have some of the biggest faults known to man.  I mean this is what's wrong.  This bunny, despite being all powerful because she works despite intense annoyance, pain, or illness because she's a broke daughter-of-a-total-bitch.  That though, isn't the reason she's mad at herself.  She's mad, because despite the fact that she's a super hard worker, is a real horrible bitch with great intentions but terrible delivery.  Such as!  Yesterday.  The entire day I sit around thinking about spending time with sunflower bunny, thinking about all day how all I want to do is whatever he wants to do.  How we can hang out together and do just random things, relax in the room, play games, sleep whatever he wants to do.  (That includes things of a more private nature).  But what do I do the second we talk?  The bitch switch turns on the moment I talk to him.  Its like I have no control over myself.  I love sunflower bunny, much more than I love life, so why is it I just turn into this horrible person?  

Oh well, this baggy bunny is gonna take a shower.  It sucks.
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Basil Tea  
05:47pm 05/09/2010
lettuce lover
 When life gives you lemons... go out to walmart at 2 in the morning and buy some fresh basil. Yeah, I know, not really a great catchy term, but I figure that since life has decided that for not one evening can I get along with my family, that I should return here to my happy place. It seems that every time you try to branch out, there's a weed pulling you back down. That's alright though, I have fresh basil, and what could be better?

Anyway, I'm not always the most intelligent person, and for the most part can't always remember what it is that I have said or done, but! I hung the last of the first basil plants that I planted last night and thus leaving me with only baby plants to work with in the terms of fresh and undried basil. So I went about googling, looking for a nice basil tea since I've heard such great things about it. To speak plainly, I don't really know if its working because I just finished stirring in half a teaspoon of honey since without it it just doesn't taste like tea to me. I will say though, next time I'll follow a recipe, since this time around all I did was read a few and take the general idea from all of them. It's certainly different, but its suppose to to settle my stomach after that round I went with the weeds not too long ago. Hopefully it works out, if it does I'll try again and jot down the recipe for all. It looks nice if that's any conciliation, and in THREE, TWO, ONE!  

Tastes pretty darn good. I mean I love the smell of basil to begin with, though some people tend to compare it to a certain illicit herb. To be honest I don't smell the similarities they are talking about, but it doesn't matter, this basil infused with honey tastes great as a tea. And should settle my stomach without the aid of some other random pharmaceutical. This gardener has never done well with those kinds of remedies, so its nice to actually try something from my own garden to save me from the battle of belly way. I wonder if savory can be turned into a tea...

Oh well. Now on to the reasons behind this wonderful tea. I mean the reasons that everyone else should try it. I myself started looking into it since I read a stint in my giant book of herbs that it does the following: sedate gastric spasms, expectorant, and can allay mental fatigue. Three very good things for my currently sick Sunflower. See, Sunflower is sick with an autoimmune disease known as Henoch Schonlein Purpura and let me tell you his stomach is not always the easiest to settle, but there is no harm in trying the easy little home remedies. Anyway when I started reading my herb book, The Complete Herb Book by: Jekka McVicar and noting all these medicinal properties, it was fascinating. My sister's of the litter's mate for life also has a pretty bad stomach problem which finds him unable to eat as well as she'd like and they've been trying what they can to fix his problems, so it'd be nice if anyone has any suggestions for the tea so that I can try them out on the pain of Sunflower's belly problems.

Any suggestions are appreciated!
location: home
mood: mellowmellow
music: Elvis
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\\\Changing it up///  
09:07pm 04/09/2010
lettuce lover
Alright everyone.  I suppose that its time that I did something different than sitting around and trying to make things change by simply complaining about them, so I've decided that first I am starting here.  My little journal that has followed for me for quite some time and never turns its back on me.  Anyway... this first step is one in the right direction.  Its not healthy to try being something you aren't and its certainly not the way to go about things by saying absolutely nothing at all, so!  I'm here to take a healthy step in the right direction.  Yeah my life is hectic, but who's insist in their own way, so why dwell on that when you can use those experiences that attack you like a fierce lion to move on and grow stronger.  Better yet, just find your happy place and let that help you towards moving to better places.  So I am going to make this my happy place numero uno!

My unconventional garden.  Sure I'm living in a tiny little apartment, but that isn't stopping me from the one that thing that keeps my sanity from the evil clutches of what I will now simply call, WEEDS!  I mean my garden is indoors, so its hard for there to be weeds except for those people that live outside my tiny little four walled bedroom and attempt to drain my nutrients.

I'm not that green thumbed, in fact, its more like a pasty white since I never see daylight, but its getting there as I slowly get further with my plants.  Everyone else you can keep your former bunny names and of course the one that matters most in my life, is my sunflower!  He's someone special and amazing, despite my random obsessions he still supports me in everything that I do.  So to him a salute *SALUTES*  and I dedicate my love.  All of that of course which is not going into my tiny little apartment garden.  

But now onto the most important part.  The garden!!  The thing that makes me happy here.  Its a small garden right now, consisting primarily of several pots of rather lush looking basil, newly planted savory, and a few flowers such as 6 dwarf incredible sunflowers, and dwarf nasturtiums.  Yeah, you guessed it, I'm an herb gardener.  Or at very least its something I enjoy doing.  Herbs smell good, simple as that.  There is nothing better than a good smell: basil, thyme, or something even more simple, the smell of a good cologne.  Which by the way I am still to remember just what my sunflower's favorite happens to be.  He seems to like the smell of basil, or at least I think he does, but I am really excited about getting a chance to smell those wonderful things I've heard about from my herb book.  

I'm also interested in the medicinal properties of my herbs too.  I've heard great things and can't wait to try them out myself.  Tonight I hung the last of my first season of growing basil.  They were a bountiful crop and I hung them just as it says, in a dark cool place in order to keep the flavor in.  I've been looking for several different things to do with them.  I've kept dried leaves in an air tight container and they are perfect!  I've used them in sauces and its truly liberating to use something I grew in the food that I am cooking.  Makes you feel much more at ease when you don't need to ask for other people's help, but of course the fact that I like people for the most part keeps me from actually limiting my contact with others, but as far as the food and planting goes, this is my kingdom!

Anyway,  this is the reason I'm doing  this, its a very nice and relaxing passion of mine and obviously I can chatter about it for a while.  But step one is to begin and I am very ready.  Thanks for those that have kept up and thanks even more to those that might be watching because I love the input and even more I like the idea that I've made someone else think better.

The Baggy Bunny,
The Unconventional Gardener
location: My Green House
mood: pleasedpleased
music: Howie Day
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Life's a Bitch  
11:05am 09/08/2010
lettuce lover
I'm so done with life having its way with my family and life.  Haven't Mik and I gone through enough terror and torture to fill a life time?  Its like I'm in a batting cage without a bat and someone turned the machine on high.  Its so freaking frustrating having someone I love constantly having some shit or another eating away at his life.  How many times does he need to go to the E.R.?  How many times does he have to have something happen where he can't get up or can't come to something life changing?  Its just getting beyond frustrating.  I wish I could say its because there's nothing I can do but the most frustrating thing is that the things I  can offer, the things I can do., I'm not allowed to because either someone doesn't believe it will help even though I've seen it work time and time again.  I'm just so tired.  Stupid freaking bitch.

Pissed off bunny...
location: work
mood: bitchybitchy
music: SYTYCD
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(no subject)  
02:32pm 19/07/2010
lettuce lover
Well obvious this goes to show that I get bored after about 9 days straight of doing something.  Kind of sad.  Well I mean I don't get bored of living things that fast.  Look at my potted garden.  I am so proud of myself when it comes to that.  Yesterday I went with mom and Emma and bought 3 new pots and 3 new kinds of seeds.  We'll start with the seeds.  I mean obviously the sunflowers and other plants that we have been growing were mini compared to what they truly are suppose to get to in size.  We make dwarf plants, I mean my sunflowers produced flowers and they aren't even a foot tall, a full 2 feet shorter than they are suppose to be and the same goes with all the other plants we've grown.  So I've decided that its safe to get humongous plants, as long as we make sure to keep them tiny SO!  I had no issue buying a few seeds that are meant to get gigantic.  So the first was a second kind of sunflower.  Those of you who haven't gathered, I love them and they make me smile so I figured there was no reason not to try a different kind.  I got Dwarf Incredible, which happen to only get about a foot tall with a full 10" flower on it.  They are meant to be crazy indoor plants.  Nice huh?  The next was a less conventional bunch of sunflowers called Autumn Beauties.  Those are my surprise flowers, they are suppose to come out in all shades and colors.  Very exciting.  The last kind are called Mallows.

Those are Mallows.  I liked the greenery so I figure no reason not to try those.  They may get tall and leafy, but I shall dwarf them!  Bwhahahaha.  Hopefully that works out because the variety I got were lovely little things I'm super excited.  Those will be potted in the new pot I bought on clearance at WalMart that looks like a big tulip.  Very nice.  The other two pots are just normal plastic ones that are in my opinion 800x better than those stupid water steal clay pots I bought to begin with.  The little sunflower I had planted in that thing had withered up because it couldn't get any water for itself.  Very annoying.  So now we are going to be all fun and pretend that its nice and neat.  I cut one of the basil up and hung it upside down too, so more space.

Speaking of awesome plants, the sunflower grooming went so well that it inspired me to photograph and make different little pictures.  I've decided that its time to get back to my 365 photo project.  I might make a few changes, but its certainly time to do so.  I think I might change it to a photo a day without the specialty-ness, but I might not, one way or another its time to get back to it.  And I think we'll start it up with that sunflower picture we edited and such.  Awesome to get things back to normal after all the crap that's been going on here at home.  We should be more concentrated on things that make us smile: photos, writing, plants, friends, and family.  Anyway if you are interested in getting back in touch with the blog of the bunny.  I'm gonna go get in touch with it now so I'll talk to you tomorrow! 

Byebye all!

P.S.  Thanks Caitlin for the great weekend and thanks Mikki as well.  Predators always great.

location: Kelly's
mood: artistic
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MeMe Day 9: A Picture You Took  
09:07am 04/06/2010
lettuce lover
Alright well this one I'm proud of because I was pretty certain I would never be able to capture high speed photos on my camera. Mainly because its not that fantastic of a camera, its basically just a little digital, but it does its job. I should go back to my 365 blog which is now more of a half year thing if I start now. But I'm going to FL soon maybe that will spur the creativeness.
location: my house!
mood: groggygroggy
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A Photo that Makes you Sad/Angry  
09:15am 03/06/2010
lettuce lover
Well that's a toughone you see, so I'm going to have to go with the terror I witnessed last night. 

Its okay though, my favorite little enigbun doppelganger/gymnast/goalie is not to blame.  And at least this means that we will be winning the cup in the Madhouse where it belongs.  There are so many different ways to say that Antti is amazing, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.  I must say this entire team is a good thing.  The 'Big Buff' is such an enforcer and a player.  I mean the flyers might have an enforcer but they don't have a scorer like Fuggles and at least our guys have personality.  Duncan Kieth of the Clan McKieth, Capt. my Capt., and Smash me here Hjalmarsson.  There are so many more great things and people.  This game makes me sad and this picture furious, but its okay, I'll stay optomistic.
location: Work
mood: disappointeddisappointed
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